Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Best Laid Plans Of Mice And Transmen

Theme Quote Of The Day:
...gender is not sane. It's not sane to call a rainbow black and white.
Kate Bornstein

The goal was to write a blog a day. Then a blog a weekday. But, as a college student on vacation, a writer, and all around, a crazy person, I only realized today was Tuesday - and the day before a major national holiday - because of Twitter. How sad is that?

But here I am, not that you care, 'cause no one's reading this. And that's why I never keep a blog for very long. I can write endless fiction, even nonfiction essays, and be ignored, and fine (otherwise I wouldn't write at all) but blogs are very much a social thing, so what's the point?

There isn't one. And who gives a shit?

I've spent today watching YouTube videos, and reading, and thinking long and hard, which is something I should do more often. And no, silly cat videos and idiotic nut-busting stunts don't make me think that hard; as it turns out, YouTube has a lot more to offer.

I follow Kate Bornstein on Twitter, and have for a few years now. I know it's been a few years, because I remember her on Twitter long before I realized I was transgender, back when I went to my first college, when I took my psychology course. I found her because I was pissed off at the tiny chapter, the single day we were to spend on Sex and Gender.

I know a lot more now than I did then, partially thanks to Ms. Bornstein, and asking her questions. She was wonderful and kind and patient in spite of my lack of knowledge, and my last second scramble to gather some information to present the next day, to try to school my Texan classmates about all these things they thought they knew.

They didn't believe in bisexuality, for fuck's sake!

Sadly, a lot of people don't, because it's so goddamn trendy. Like many excuses that people use to discriminate against me - at last count there were a thousand and eleventy bajillion - I could go on and on about it all day.

I'm not quite sure if there's a concise point to this, other than I've been struggling with my gender identity more than usual lately, and updated it a little bit. Like most people, I am not as enlightened as Kate; I do not believe for myself as freely as I do for others.

I'm a transman. That's supposed to mean something specific.

But you, all you other transmen, be whatever you want!

I am very hard on myself, and very warm and inviting to other people, unless they piss me off.

I've slowly begun to FEEL the fact that I can have a female body, be a man, and be a bit femme, all at once. And that's okay.

I'm a work in progress, baby.

Time to get back to my novel, also a WIP, and remember that it's not nearly as hard on itself as I am on me.

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