Friday, June 29, 2012

A Miracle In My Brain

Theme Quote Of The Day:
If that were true, then only dead men could write obituaries.
Red Smith

I gave up on heavy editing half a page into reading my manuscript (working title: The Monster Squad). There will be other reads - a helluva lotta them - and god knows, I'll be sick of it by the time I'm anywhere near close to sending it out into the world.

But there will only be one first read.

Because I now write "first draft" (more like a really long, really detailed outline) longhand, I put the words down and then forget them. I don't look back as I read. I write, I remember the most recent events, and I keep going. The characters come to life more and more in my head, and I don't have to remember what they're like; I love them like people, fully formed and very real inside my head.
Yeah, there are inconsistencies already, mostly because I didn't know them as well when I started as I did when I finished. But I don't care. I actually CAN'T edit right now, because I'm enjoying the story so much.

It's making me laugh, and almost cry, and by god, if I can do that to myself with my own words, with work, it'll be phenomenal. Can I do the work? Maybe. But I have hope.

I am not a magical being; I do not live in this world; I don't have the mind of a predator, or ex-military. I don't need these things. I have research, and some spark of creation, and it's worked. The overall draft is fucked up in a lot of ways, but that's what editing's for.

I've captured humor, and horror, and sorrow, and something extra special that I can't define, and I am eager to get back to reading, and to making these words shine to others like they shine in my own head.

That's all I can ask of my work - and more than anyone can ever hope to successfully bring to the table...and yet, it happens. I think it's happened to me. And that's why I can't be anything more or less than what I've been since I was 10: A goddamn writer.

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